Discernment Counseling

A way forward for couples on the brink of divorce.

In-person in Reno and virtual throughout California & Nevada

Considering divorce but not completely sure?

When one partner is 'leaning out' of the marriage, traditional couple’s therapy often fails or feels “half-hearted” because the goals aren't aligned. Discernment Counseling offers a structured way to understand your options.

This is different from couples therapy, as it’s highly structured and short-term. It is not meant to fix or resolve your marital issues, but to determine whether they are solvable.

Over one to five sessions, we explore each person’s role in the patterns that developed and what responsibility you’re willing to take for change. There are no sides, no pressure, and respect for whatever choice you make.

Book a same day consult

You don’t have the energy for couples therapy.

You need clarity first.

The raw reality is that you have three options:

01

Continue your relationship as-is

02

Collaborative & respectful separation/divorce
I'm not sure which I want

03

an all out effort in therapy

Either sound familiar?

The “Leaning In” Partner

You want to repair things, but feel powerless

Your spouse has put divorce on the table or has “checked out.” You’re probably oscillating between panic, anger, and deep sadness, trying everything you can (pleading, promising, or doing Reddit deep-dives) to get them to change their mind.

You’re fighting for the life of your family, but your partner has one foot out the door. It’s an incredibly lonely and exhausting place to be.

How I help: I honor how much you want to save your marriage. In this work, I’ll help you move out of "panic mode" and show up as your best self in this crisis. We aren’t here to beg your partner to stay; we are here to see if a path to repair is possible. I invite you to ask your spouse to join you for Discernment Counseling - not to "fix" the relationship, but to determine if it is fixable.

The “Leaning Out” Partner

You’re tired of the fighting (and the guilt)

Maybe you’re the one who found this page, or maybe your spouse sent it to you. Either way, you’ve been unhappy for a long, long time. You feel done, and yet… a part of you feels guilty or ambivalent about the massive impact of a divorce.

You’re probably wary of couples therapy because you don't want to be judged, pressured, or talked into staying in a relationship that feels broken. You may even feel like "the bad guy" for wanting to leave.

How I help: This process is different. Discernment Counseling respects your desire to leave. This isn't a "save the marriage" trap. It’s a safe place to slow down and decide if you truly want to commit to one last effort of repair, or if a respectful, collaborative separation is the healthiest path forward for everyone.

How It Looks

  • The goal is to use clear, non-pressuring language. You might say:

    "I came across something called Discernment Counseling. It’s short (usually 1–5 sessions) and it’s designed to help us figure out what options we have in our relationship. Can I send you some info on it?"

    Or you might even forward them this webpage, or this link with more info: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quc5Yj-nIrQ

    Suggestions:

    1. Lead with curiosity, not blame - the more neutral you can present the option, the better.

    2. Keep it optional – give your spouse space to explore this option without pressure.

  • Each partner has a 15-20 minute phone call with me to discuss if discernment is a good fit. These occur individually and are scheduled separate from one another.

  • Our first session is 2 hours.

    We begin together as a couple, and I’ll guide you through a set of questions, specifically around the state of the relationship and what you’re hoping for.

    After that shared time, I’ll meet individually with each of you.

    Once the first partner finishes their one on one, the other is invited back and then we switch.

    At the end, we decide whether to schedule a following session.

  • After the initial session, you will have one to four more sessions to make your decision about where to go with the relationship. Each session will start with individual work, shared summaries, and a choice to move forward or move onto your path.

    At the end of each, you and your partner will decide whether to book further.

  • Within the 5 sessions, you will become clear on what path is right for you, stay as is, choose to collaboratively separate/divorce, or commit to short-term couples therapy, together or with other clinicians. This will be as collaborative a process as possible.

Deb Altman, LMFT, providing a grounded, trauma-informed space as a client processes deep emotions in her Reno therapy office.

Training & Credentials
I am training with The Doherty Relationship Institute (the founding authority and original developer of Discernment Counseling). Sessions follow the established Discernment Counseling structure and ethical guidelines.